Deep in thoughts with sadness

Today, two persons close to my heart would be leaving Malaysian soil, heading for the Middle East... One, is a sister I have met and we sort of "adopted" each others family since the year 1974... while the other is my young cousin who is working in Doha, Qatar.  He would resume his duties there and taking home a new addition to his family, little Dzain.

My "sister" is holding a gathering since breakfast time this morning and by 10.30 p.m. tonight, she would be leaving her house to join the rest of the pilgrimages and shall be leaving for Mecca by 5:00 a.m tomorrow morning.

Why am I left behind?

Someone from the Rayhar Travel Agency had called me a day after they have made confirmation who could go and who couldn't.  

An unfamiliar number showed up and obviously lighted up on my mobile.  Without hesitation I accepted and an unfamiliar voice was on the receiver.
"Assalamualaikum Madam.  I am Mr.Rahmat fom Rayhar Travel".

"Wa'alaikummussalam Mr.Rahmat", said I.

"I am so sorry that your name and another lady in your group were not selected, our quota is much reduced this year and we only have such a limited number to accommodate", went this apologetic voice on the other end of the receiver.

Calmly I replied:

"Sir, may I know why we weren't selected?"

"Says the Haj Pilgrimage Board, both of you were only registered last year, and by right, your eligibility is in the year 2033 " said he.

"Okay, I understand.  And Sir, don't worry.  This is not their work, neither yours.  Not your choice, neither them.  This is the work of Allah.  He knows who should go now, later or even at the vary last minute just before the "Wukuf Day".  I am honestly "redha" with this as this is Allah's choice and decision and not yours." 

"I am happy you could accept this decision in this "strange" way.  Had other people answered like you do, it would surely have made my job easier, Madam". He continued.

"Sir, I knew there are elderly people who should perform the Haj this year, there are those who have registered themselves years before me, there are those whose chances have been "taken" by others before this and Sir, this is indeed the work of Allah.  He knows best.  Perhaps he wants me to attend more Haj courses and get myself better equipped with better acknowledg and most of all... He knows when and with whom I should be going" , I went so lengthy with my answer.

Silently, during my Zohor prayer, I prayed with a heart feeling so calm, asking Allah to INVITE me to HIS House at an  instance - He so  grant me with the right timing, the right Mahram and the right mode - for a pilgrimage at the time He already determined. 

But somehow, this vary instance... deep inside me, there's a lump in my throat, I feel so remorseful  for some reasons am to depart with these two special people in my life.  To them both I shall pray for their safe journey and safe landing .  

One, to go home with his family, where he belongs to serve the Qatar Oil, while the other : a safe journey and safe landing in Mecca.  I too pray for her  good health, high in Iman, Taqwa and Faith, to perform the Haj well so that Allah accepts her ibadah, to have surmountable patience, to eat and sleep well and come home safely.  To Min, may you have a successful career, a family safe from any evils, pray for good health, wealth and happiness.

Amin Ya Rabbal'alamiin.