Wednesday, December 9, 2009


We (me and my pic) drove out at almost 8:00p.m. The roads were traffic-friendly indeed.  10 minutes? Or was it 15?  We were already at the car park... It was full.  It appeared impossible to get one.  As I maneuvered the bends and in between the parked cars,  I thought, oh how far shall we have to walk before we found their main entrance?  The grand Istana Budaya (Cultural Palace- direct translation) stood there, still and motionless.  Couldn't care less if we managed to trot up the corridors, turning to the right and then left and into its grand lobby.

We were finally there.  Many people were taking pictures,  buying the program books and perhaps the Book entitled "Natrah".  I was looking for the writer herself.  It was obvious, she was not around.  Soon we found our way into the theater and looking for our seats.

Thus the theater began.....

The husky, deep and prominent voice of  "Natrah" (acted by Sophia Jane) describing her beginning, her journey through life at a raw young age, her faith, love and feeling of belonging to Allah, how others forgetting her own feelings towards her well being and existence, battling between self pity, love that was torn apart, the anguish,disgust,  frustrations, pretense, manipulations, helplessness, bitterness OF a YOUNG girl ... just being born to understand life.  Eventually,   she was forced to grow up much too soon for her tender age to bear,  to face the consequences of LIFE which seemed all the while treating her unfairly and she had to walk through this thorny path, endure the pain and sorrow and the torture of her minds and soul.... till July 2009.  

Her demise ended her life's journey but ours have not.

As we watched, listened and felt... TEARS left our vary eyes non stop... The Director was so talented and I should congratulate her and all those involved for such a beautiful and remarkable performance.  It was a great success.

Natrah's life as I am describing in my poetic manner

Was it my fault that the war happened?
Was it my fault that I was forced to be separated?
Was it my fault that I was fostered 
At that raw age of 4 yrs plus?
Was it my fault that I embraced Islam?
Which I was glad that I did

Was it my fault that I learned to read 
the Al Quran and to pray?
Which I was glad that I did

Suddenly you came back into my life ...
After 9 years??
Yes, after 9 long years of silence

When happiness was all over me 
AND I was enjoying life to the fullest

I was loved and I loved this family
This special mother in particular
I owe her my life and soul

Who had for so long sacrificed for me 
...and for you (my parents)
She who had taken care of me 
With such  affection
Her undying love and  undivided attention 
Were showered upon me
I was trying to adapt and I managed well
A long nine years of life in peace,
tranquility and enjoyment
With a strong faith in Allah

With AlQuran as my constant companion
Prayers that gave me 
A feeling of contentment

Suddenly you broke the silence 
of that 9 long years
IT was like an end to this world
I was to be separated? 
From a kind-hearted lady whom I called MAK
What about her?  
Must I leave her and go home with you?
You had given me away into her care

She had done overwhelmingly for my own well being
Where were you all those while?  
Where have you been?
Why now? Why suddenly you came looking for me?
Coming back into my life???


After such manipulation, court battles, the 3 day-marriage
Commotions, worn out emotions

The bloody riots in Singapore

CAME THE leaving behinds

The leaving of my beloved MAK(mother) for good
Who was not told but waited with empty arms
With immense disappointments after disappointments
With  much heart breaking moments

Leaving behind fortunes of memories in Kemaman
Leaving behind a newly wedded husband 
Whose love was pure and sincere

Without  proper good byes neither last kisses nor warm hugs
Without any proper send offs 
Nor gesture of gratitude

I was snatched and forced  against my will
To go home to where I have never been before
It was not my birth place but my homeland
Where you think I belonged

DID anyone bother to  pause, to ponder, 
To care for this little girl of 13 years old?
How I have felt all the while
Facing such a rough and tough fight against my will?
Never have I forgave anyone 
For the ordeal I was forced to face

Life in my homeland 
Was full of shadows of the past
That kept haunting me through and through

The loves left behind, the religion 
And the friends I have met
All filling up my life's journey
Until the day I bid you goodbye

SAD, sad, sad
No one ever cared about my feelings

How I had wanted my life to be
Where I had wanted to be
No one ever bothered about me
But they bothered so much 
About how they felt
How things should be 
According to how they wanted
There was no fairness at all 
Did they ever bothered 
How deep inside I was severely hurt?


Yes! Fate was not on my side
Fate was molded by them???
I went through a sad life full of despair, 
grieves and suicidal
But did anyone bothered after that battle?
Who came to my aid?  Who?
I battled my life alone, all alone
I shall never forget my childhood life


All these pictures were taken using my phone cam 
*from the  lobby area
*inside the theater

*from a printed media....their program book

Honestly, If ANYONE were to invite me for another go, I would not hesitate.  It really touched me deep down.  But I am not expressive enough to post a better poem... BUT I have expressed it the way I felt Natrah had wanted it...It took me a total hours 5 to complete this poem.

May God Bless Her Soul and May She Rest In Peace.

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