WHAT MIGHT A BETTER WORD BE?

Dr. Kate Paczek

Since the first day we visited you, our strange meeting between a patient and a chiropractor vanished. You were so pleasantly friendly and warm. Such a petite lady, with an enormous and bountiful energy ...you indeed has a healing and magical hands.

Your warm personality brought us to the Petaling Jaya Hilton for breakfast that lasted several hours with well-tucked-up-food which possibly left not well digested till dinner time. How on earth did we manage that? I would not be able to answer you now because it was beyond my imagination that an 8 o'clock eating could surprisingly stretched until 11 o'clock???

That was not an only occasion. Another meal at the Sunway Pyramid in Subang Jaya was another well stretched affair. The morning was not only filled with delicious food but intermittently saucy stories on both sides were graciously shared. Despite each frustrated story, we somehow, managed to keep away our tears. Good job, aye Kate?

All the way from Poland, Kate migrated to Australia with her mother named Ruth who occasionally visited her in Malaysia. She is now working or probably a co-owner of Premier Chiropractor since the year 1998. She has been a friend and a healing specialist to my family.

Since 1998, I have recieved my free treatment from her which continued until a couple of years later. When Tasha was suffering from her back problem, the "free" treatment changed hands...not for a couple of weeks, not months, but years to come until today. Would you believe it? Kate is more than just a friend.

I just cannot find any better or more proper words to say THANK YOU to you Kate for such a kind treatment to us...

During the treatment, we would be giggling and laughing away in the room. Once done, after fixing another appointment, we parted with hugs and well wishes...until the next couple of weeks to come. One such giggle was about the Hair Cuts...see my earlier post in The Hair Cut, The Tears and The Scissors.

Her former clinic was in SS2, Petaling Jaya and her receptionist was Miss Ong who was nice and friendly to me. But not to my children's liking, she seemed quite serious with them. Perhaps I looked more matured to deserve her respect and warmth. Her new clinic of two years old is located in Cheras. Her new receptionist is called Miss Lee.

Once you reached the clinic which is on the first floor, normally the door bell would surely be rung. From the reception counter, came Miss Ng (pronounce as Eng), opening the door and with a stiff smile and firm voice,

"Please take off your shoes" she ordered.
Obediently, we did and arrange them in a row on the carpeted floor.

One day, Amir Harith was also ordered to take of his shoes.
"Please take off his shoes" ordered her.

His Mama, Tasha was laughing away in amusement...silently. Since when a seven month old little lad walks on his own on the road and gets his shoes dirty?

"Oh don't worry, he has not started walking  on the road yet".


She held her laughter until she got into her car, an hour later.

That was routine. So she has to say it out no matter to whom, when and how?

Tomorrow, at ten a.m. we shall see her for Tasha has an appointment for her recent back ache. Amir Harith would surely tag along because Grandma aka Wan aka baby sitter aka child minder, would be bestowed with another post that is "an executive driver".

Such a multi tasking Grandma...

Anyway, this special posting is for you DR.KATE. Thank you, gracias, danke shen, sie sie ni, terima kasih...on being a doctor with healing hands and a friend who listens, cries and laughs together.

THE YOUNG LADY WHO GREW UP TOO SOON

The Child In My Heart No.4

A child with a golden heart, whose life was so full of surprises and unlike the other three siblings, she grew up too soon! She is always ahead of us with her thoughts.

Different time, date and year...she was born in the same hospital as Abang Hafiz, UH. The anxiety worked up that caused my blood pressure to rise. This time Prof.Rachagan was no longer around. He was previously introduced to me by Dr.Arfah from Karachi, Pakistan. She was around when little Hafiz was born.

Swarmed by the medical students from time to time, I was so flabbergasted when a few of them meddled with my veins and let the much needed blood dropped onto the floor. I held my thin patience as I was facing a difficult moment. Deep down I felt like saying some "words" and open my mouth wide in high pitch!

Anyway, around 10.00p.m, another beautiful queen was welcomed to the world. She cheered us up after almost five years Abang Hafiz became the youngest child. Apparently she missed the beautiful Berlin life. Hence, not a single shot of her was snapped there.

There are already so much writes being written about her in this blog. The Hair Cut, The Scissors, The Tears; The Tearful Little Queen; The Little Lady Next To Me. Hence this short story and I would like to express my greatest appreciation to her for being THERE. It was simply enjoyable having her everywhere I went. Every minute spent with her was so wonderfully memorable.

Just like any other siblings of hers, she too have a golden heart. It is so full of love and affection for everyone. Having an extremely high tolerance rate, patience, helpful, strong willed, focused and authoritative. Just to name a few of her deep down feels that no one sees except her closest buddy, me.

All The Best to you for the coming SPM exam. May Allah Bless you with more success in future. You have done well so far, Alhamdulillah.

Diyanah, Mummy love you very much little darling.

THE LADY IN THE NEXT ROOM

The Child In My Heart No.2

After Bairnbridge Close in Leeds, we shifted to Wingrove Avenue in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. Had our first born and came the second while living at the later. Also was born on a Winter's Day, two years apart from each other. On the 11th January xxxx, I was really hungry for roti canai. I remembered the expert (then) had left me his secret recipe...

Taking out milk, eggs, flour, water and butter - from the recipe that was left by (now known as) Dr.Azimuddin, I put them all in a large mixing bowl and laboriously turned the mixture into a dough. Hard work it was indeed. But I was so determined to have them for dinner. After forming into small dough which I was supposed to leave for some time - giving the flour sufficient time to coagulate, I tried to make them thin and soft enough to be stretched. It was unfair! I forced them to respond to me in that short time. Of course they refused and the dough? Guess what had happened to this dough once cooked and done? It was as hard as the dinner plate but nice, tasty and crunchy to eat. The curry simply flowed past instead of being absorbed into the cooked roti canai. But I finished them anyway.

After the dinner, while watching the film "Towering Inferno" at 10.00p.m. suddenly...there was this signal from inside of me...hey! Someone is arriving! Off we went to the same St.James and here we were, 4 hours later another pretty face with much less little hair was born. The snow was thick outside. The labor ward seemed to be under staffed that night. Zaza was put near the window, not properly wrapped and had caught the drought. Pity this little queen who had just arrived. She ended up having cold almost every fortnightly after until we brought her back to Malaysia.

Probably there was some connections with my determination to make roti canai that night, she earned similar attitude later in life...as I have observed.

So, this little lady was nursed daily by me and her elder sister was receiving much less attention. One day we decided to send her to a child minder that was recommended to us by the Health Visitor. So they met each other only late evenings when daddy brought her home. Life was such hastle having to cope with many things alone. But then I tried to space them out and manage well soon after. Not long after Tasha rejoined us at home and had a blissful life which were quite eventful. She helped to look for nappies, towels and of course watching little Zaza sleeping.

When we lived in Cramlington, I remembered too well, one day they both finished up my Estee Lauder Knowing Cream from a large jar to be their facial and hair cream. The beautiful scent came right down to where I was ...what did I do at that time? I was watching TV then...serve me right! I never bought the same cream again until today but I kept the beautifully crafted jar which was white in color with black lid.

On another day, in different month, they were found to be on the top step showering themselves with talcum. I would try to locate this picture later and get it posted here. Once I discovered them, they both pretended crying with true tears though, afraid may be, that I would scold them. Imagine looking at white powder amidst tears on their faces and head of course.

Playing in the back yard was more fun than in the house. There were rhubarbs, huge roses, shrubs and some unknown plants around. They both normally had their lunch (omelet and potatoes) here too. By the sides there were clothes lines for me to put my washing to dry...not by the sun but by the breeze. It was so wonderful being able to be in such a cool breezy surroundings.

When Tasha went to school, she could not attend as she was too small to be covered by the insurance. So, each mornings she would just accompany Tasha to school and to play on the play ground nearby. On the way home, sometimes we took a longer way home by the lake. Our fence was only two feet high but no one dared to walk over and get into the lake. The lake was so close to our house. It was so beautiful. On those days it was frozen, children were seen skating on it endlessly. But we only kept ourselves by the window, watching them all.

Coming home to Malaysia was one long trip that tired us all. Zaza was given a bassinet and she went dancing inside, getting up and down while we were trying to catch a nap. She attracted MAS stewards with her far apart teeth and fangs when she smiled. She was so adorable, still quite small in size (but heavy) having fine hairs and very fair skin.

Upon arrival we were met by family members...we then lived in Kuala Terengganu for three months while daddy went back to KL to work. We lived at mom's house together with my two elder sisters Cik Kah and her family and Cik Mah. Nadiya was as little as Tasha then. Nadzrul just managed to wobbly walk on his two feet unaided, just a day before we arrived. Next door lived my other elder sister Cik A, Ayah Mat, Nor Hanan, Ramzan and Haniah. Chu Tee was still in London pursuing her Ph.D (probably still at Lilian Penson's Hall) and Cik Dah lived in KL then.

Life was suddenly took a different turn. Colds still persisted but much less frequent than before. Finally it went away almost unnoticed by us all. One scary incident that sent thrills down my spine was she would simply rush into the street thinking that it was still the Elden Square. Until then I resorted to hold her by the children's safety belt which looked pretty odd by those passers-by. When spending time with Kak Yaya, she would try to say the Terengganu speak correctly. Daily she would repeat them like parrots.

At this time, our frequent visitor was none other than Syarifah Normah (Makarab.blogspot.com) who would take us out for a beach ride and of course followed by beach strolls later. Until today Syarifah Nor (Aunty Nor was we all called her), is still our regular visitor. The only difference is she now came with her husband, Azlan and children Amirah, Aminah, Hajar, Ibrahim, Sarah and Maryam. We then took them (the kids) in on week ends if their father allowed.

Favorite dress was the white heavily layered lace tailored by Cik Mah. Favorite shoes was the grand maroon shiny strapped shoes that she would wear in and out of the house daily.

Then came the schooling time. TADIKUM in PJ was the first kinder garden they both attended. The teachers were always enjoying their company because they both were ever so willing to lend a helping hand at meal time. Miss Roopy whom she called Ms.Snoopy was her favorite while the
other would be non other than miss Rebecca whom she called Mrs.Breaker. TADIKUM had developed them both with self confidence and intelligence with their Montessori System. She started reading the papers at the age of five.

Next, was Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Sri Petaling in PJ was where she and her sister had their primary education. Both never gave me any problems like their younger sister did...please read Little Queen of Hearts...who would leave school and walked behind us to our car. Then Sekolah Menengah Asunta was their next center of education. They were separated when Tasha went to a boarding school.

After leaving school, she joined UiTM and then APIIT in Damansara Heights which later shifted to Bukit Jalil. She graduated from APIIT with a degree in IT. Congratulations Zaza, you made it through and through.

And mummy would now want to say my appreciations for being there for me and motivated me all along although at a young age! With your intelligence, you managed to to be my back bone then...while Tasha was away in school. You went along and felt the whole episode well. Then you shared with me all the way what went on in my life.

Zaza, you are indeed helpful, thoughtful and having a golden heart like your elder sister. Assistance were gladly offered whenever needed. Since young, you became the problem solver even the simplest tangled toys...you would untangle it and undo the problems easily. In the kitchen, you would always help out while I was preparing dinner. Your favorite past time would be baking, cooking and of course now...(like everyone else) looking after Amir Harith and nursing him. Chicken pies, apple pies are now (at least for for the time being) the thing of the past...since the oven has not been fixed. The other day, you burnt some cookies unexpectedly after only five minutes in the oven. It might have been the temperature or some other technical defaults.

You went through a tough time with life in the past which make you a matured, responsible and a strong willed person today. Your success which you deserved, was purely your hard work and of course Allah's Will and Help. We shared your successes in your studies and life through and through.

What we are today is the result of our invaluable past experiences and guidance from our parents! You have such a beautiful heart...May Allah Bless you with a life full of joy, keimanan, kesolehan and more success to come. May Allah also shows you through to the Right Path, the path of Para Solihin and would become anak yang solehah. Amin amin Ya Robbil Alamiin.

Thank you for all your beautiful thoughts, helps, sacrifices and assistance all the way. Alhamdulillah syukur you are a survivor like me!

Mummy love you and going to miss your presence soon.

WHY I SENT YOU AWAY

LARA, perhaps one day we should write a book about your life's true experience...this one is about you and your little girl...I hope we could share with other SM out there...

FARi, you were the only person who were constantly by my side each day, each night, and were present almost every moment of my breath that I took, except when you were in school. All the going-ons, happenings, joys and problems were shared and none were being spared from your ears. Unfair? You were right. It was true, it was not fair. You were so young and fresh to understand what had happened to your mother. Your were unjustly exposed to all these events in life.

It was not fair too that I have left you and your other siblings to be under the same roof as your father. But lessons were to be taught. Let those untrue stories proved them wrong and let you learn the truth somehow. It was not fair! Yes, I know dear.

Then came the story with this helpful friend of mine who were so sincerely helping us through and through until one day, things were so suddenly and abruptly cut off. And the knight in shining armor who acted to be so fatherly and lovingly entertained all of us, dining constantly in his residence and of course "trapped our feelings" with all those things that people could not see with their normal naked eyes.

You went through what I went through. You grew up too soon for your age and it was not fair for you at all. I knew them all. You had all the answers to my problems. You were so matured with your suggestions and they proved reasonable. Thank you dear Fari. You have always made my days and I must say, I love you very much and so sorry I made you grew up too fast.

You fell in love with this '"step father-to -be" because he showered you with love, care, devotion like no fathers would ever do (and most of all, .....deception..this vary fact, none of us had noticed)! Of course as you admittedly said it, you have never had this kind of treatments even from your own paternal father. The day the sad news came, it was fortunate that the phone was in my pocket. The message was read: Fari, uncle would be busy from now on to prepare for my .....and getting ready for my wedding!!!!!!!! What? You little devil.

Fari was ever so upset and did some re-checking with your driver who frequently visited us. It was true. You were leaving all of us. Have some respect for this young lady and stop being a coward. Face her personally and break the news to her gently and with reasons. Grow up, be gentleman and face facts. Coward! You were being so cruel. I was sure she could understand you perfectly well had you explained to her.

Then things came crumbling down, tumbling down and shattered. They were totally wrecked, flabbergasted, full of untrue, strong and unjust accusations. I was trembling in fits as I was reading your "strong words" while in the waiting room of Istana Negara, one day in 2001. Your sms were written while you were on your way to the airport, as your driver told me later. As the extremely heavy torrential fall and thunders were heard and felt, everything in there sent a strong chill down my spine. They attacked me like a very strange kind of stabbings inside me. They were incredibly indescribable. After I delivered the "gifts" to the ADC to the King, I left with the escorts from the palace officers to my car. I could not drive out then. You had dropped a bomb on my chest! You were a pro...I was not the only apparent victim to you. You killed too many souls and you used so many weird tactics to vanish "souls" from your wicked head.

But of course things had happened for some reasons..."Blessings In Disguise" as they say. Only Allah knows best, He had protected me from another blunder in my life. Apparently, Protected and Prevented me from living with another liar, in his world which were full of deception, lies and horrors.

Fari, a few times you cried on the way to school and I was very horrified and worried sick about this, in case they would disturb your studies. You asked if you could go and visit him in his house after "our" friendships has ended. To all those requests, I turned you down. I was so afraid, all those happenings might have adverse effects on you. Things have got to end up abruptly. "Feelings were sort of trapped" and unexplainable force were playing inside us. Yet we could not see.

Fari, I told you to do your level best in your exam and I would want you to go to a boarding school. Reasons? Any particular reasons? YES dear, there were plentiful if you allowed me to list them down. Whilst I could, I should mention a few here. I wanted you to have a proper time for studying, for other activities, to have a better and proper control over yourself, to be in different environments amongst friends of your age group and I want you to stop listening to my stories day in and day out. I want you to be independent, thriving in your studies which would affect your future, managing yourself well and be a survivor. I have noticed that you grew up too fast and looked more matured than most friends of your age.

Satisfied with my excuses, reasons and answers? Yes, you should be. You were going to survive, no matter what. Stubbornly I put you through to a boarding school. Of course you did not like the new environment in the beginning. But as time went on, new friends were made, confidence levels were secured and increased, your were given responsibilities in class and in games which made you finally settled there. BUT emotionally I never asked you how it affected you. I strongly believed that you were strong, versatile, independent, strong headed and authoritative, do you know that?

Yes, you managed well enough. All the best to you. Something that I have not told you before, was that, due to this "attachment" that you had with this uncle, I was so very afraid until today to develop or even to start another relationship with any man although they came along with good intentions (in one way or another). Fari, for the time being, this is my extra sacrifice for you for being a great listener and for being my confidante in the past. I dare not think and dare not venture into this anymore, in case you would get disturbed all over again which would disrupt your studies.

I love you.